What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
