like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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