P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We are two peas in an std pod
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
