is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
