I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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