So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
