Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
