More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
