You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
