So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
