I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
