a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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