That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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