I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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