I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
