she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
