Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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