true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
