She is in my trunk
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize