Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
