i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
