it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
