i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
