Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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