I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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