Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
