I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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