too bad you live with your parents still
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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