can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
