It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
