Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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