they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
