So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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