A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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