I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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