I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
