Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
