Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How naked do you want me to be?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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