Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize