I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
