At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
