One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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