Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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