I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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