So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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