Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
