dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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