John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
