if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
