Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
