What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize