i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
