Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
