Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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