Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
