i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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