Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
