If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
