Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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