Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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