If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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