I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize