After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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