I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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