Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Too much gin, very little bucket
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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