So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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