Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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