I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
