porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
