Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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