I need help removing her.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
